


Time and Tranquility

by Zoelily



Series: Exploring the Inevitable (A Cockles Story) [4]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cockles, M/M, Mild Angst, On Set, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 11:11:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6326731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoelily/pseuds/Zoelily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen struggles with Misha's past, and how it affects their present, after a surprise Facetime encounter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time and Tranquility

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fourth and final installment of my Cockles series Exploring the Inevitable (A Cockles Story). If you haven't already, please read the first three parts as this will make more sense. I have marked this series as finished, but you never know. Timestamps are always possible.
> 
> This final part expands on an idea that [Desirae](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Desirae/pseuds/Desirae) wanted to see in a Cockles fic. She read through it for me too, so thanks Desi!
> 
> Kudos and comments are always loved and appreciated! <3

Foggy, drizzly mornings in Vancouver were the norm in the spring, but Misha never tired of watching the day break through the layer of mist as his feet thumped the pavement during his morning run.  He got caught up in the classic rock from his ear buds, sweat trickling down his hairline and neck, and the addictive burn in his hamstrings, as he made his way through the familiar streets and trails.  The birds would chirp at him for interrupting their morning puddle baths, and the occasional fellow jogger would nod and wish him a good morning, sharing in the experience of starting the day in this world so sparsely occupied by human life.  
  
Misha was used to being alone with his thoughts as he ran.  Vicki was active and physically fit, but running wasn’t her thing.  She enjoyed sleep too much to crawl out of a warm bed any sooner than West and Maison demanded.  She would much rather go biking or swimming with the kids.  Jensen didn’t mind running occasionally, but he wasn’t really a morning person either, and his idea of exercise was more often a game of golf, tossing a ball around, or a mid-morning cross fit workout at the gym.  Jared was up with the sun, but he preferred early morning weight training to a run, although he could be persuaded once in a while.  Needless to say, running was Misha’s Zen time; his chance to mull things over and marinate new ideas.  Hell, half of the insane Gishwhes item list came to him while covering the miles of BC and Washington trails and sidewalks.  
  
This morning, he’d been musing on the current Supernatural script, which lead to him running his lines as he jogged, which lead to him thinking about blocking for the scenes later that day with Jensen, which lead to him thinking about Jensen murmuring sleepily from his bed this morning, which was, lately, most often what came to mind when he ran.  He smiled to himself as he thought of the conversation they’d had as he tried to climb out of bed at five.  
  
“Don’t go, Mish!” Jensen had whined, trying to pull Misha back into the warmth of the shared space.  “We don’t need to be on set until eleven!”  
  
Misha stood beside the bed, gazing at the man he was quickly becoming addicted to, and he was oh so tempted.  Jensen was almost impossible to resist in the morning, with the pillow lines on his cheeks, perfectly sexy stubble, adorable bedhead, and, of course, those half-lidded green eyes that were often his undoing.  
  
Waking up together was still new and exciting; not something they did often enough for it to be routine yet.  The thrill of being in Jensen’s bed definitely hadn’t worn off.  Waking to Jensen’s quiet snoring and being tangled in his octopus limbs wasn’t something Misha would tire of anytime soon.  
  
He grabbed a fistful of Jensen’s hair and tugged gently, pulling just enough to make the other man gasp and leaning down to steal a quick kiss.  “Why must you be so insatiable?”  
  
“Like you’re not?” Jensen replied with a smirk, trailing his fingers down Misha’s perfect hipbone.  “You know you wanna stay here with me.  You can’t resist my charms.”  
  
“I don’t know about charms, but you’ve definitely got a few qualities I find irresistible.”  
  
Jensen took that as an invitation to wrap his strong arms around Misha’s hips and pull him back towards the bed.  He nuzzled his unshaven jaw into the conjuncture of his lover’s groin and thigh and smiled at the soft moan that escaped Misha’s lips when his breath ghosted the man’s semi-hard dick.  He wasted no time grabbing two handfuls of perfect cheeks.  Having the leverage he needed, he made damn sure Misha wasn’t going anywhere.   
  
Sucking cock wasn’t something Jensen expected to enjoy, but he figured out quickly that he loved it!  He had soon become addicted to the weight of Misha’s thick shaft on his tongue and the bitter taste of the precome he could coax with just the right amount of suction.  Jensen had learned that Misha would respond with a subtle shift of hips when he squeezed his ass with both fists, and that Misha would tip his head back and gasp when Jensen buried his nose in his lover’s bush and swallowed him down.  That’s what he was doing now, spurred on by a slew of dirty talk from Misha’s wicked mouth, he couldn’t resist giving his own hard shaft a few tugs.  The sight of that, along with Jensen’s talented tongue, was enough to send Misha over the edge, spilling down the back of Jensen’s throat with a gasp.  
  
Another thing Jensen had discovered – he loved the taste of Misha’s spunk.  Swallowing the salty liquid turned him on so much that he found himself thrusting erratically into his fist as he licked and kissed Misha’s softening cock clean.   
  
“God, you’re beautiful like this, baby,” Misha groaned as he watched his lover jack himself.  
  
That was all Jensen needed to lose himself to his own orgasm, spurting ribbons of come over his fist and abdomen.  He grabbed a corner of the sheet to wipe himself down with and then pulled Misha in for a soft kiss.  “Well, I guess you never actually made it back to bed.”  
  
Misha chuckled.  “You’re good, but you’re not that good.”   
  
Jensen crossed his arms across his chest and glared stubbornly at Misha.  
  
“Oh don’t look so indignant, Jen.  You’re the only one who can make me late for my run and you know it!”  
  
“Get out of here, Mish!  I’ll get some coffee going for when you get back.  Try not to get run over by too many fan girls out there.”  
  
“Just keep an eye on Twitter.  You’ll know within moments if I run into anyone who recognises me,” Misha laughed, leaning in for one more quick kiss for the road.  “Save me some hot water in the shower!”  
  
“I’ll think about it,” Jensen replied, slapping Misha’s delectable ass.  He couldn’t resist the man in those snug running shorts.   
  
Misha made it out the door and down the stairs of the apartment complex before he realized he’d forgotten to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.  Oh well, he thought.  It was gonna be a short run anyway since he’d gotten off to a late start.  Damn distracting, horny Ackles, he laughed to himself, knowing he wouldn’t change a thing about his morning.  
  
After a quick shower and some coffee, Misha made his way back to his own apartment building.  With Jared being the only one at work who knew of him and Jensen’s ‘arrangement’, it wouldn’t look right for them to arrive together.  They didn’t want to give anyone reason to start asking questions they weren’t prepared to answer.  He had just enough time to go over his lines one more time and grab some toast and a banana before he had to head to set.   
  
Since the morning’s fog had burned off and the rain had stopped, the sun was slowly drying everything out.  Beams of light reflected from the dew on the new leaves and the fresh smell of rain-soaked blossoms permeated the air.  Misha stopped by his trailer to drop off his messenger bag and keys before heading to the office to get the low-down for the day.  Apparently, they were working on set until sundown, and then moving to a location shoot by the river for the evening.  It was likely to be a long day and night, probably not finishing up until the early hours of the morning.  
  
Misha hadn’t seen Jensen and Jared anywhere yet, but he’d seen Clif’s SUV in the lot so he knew they were kicking around somewhere; probably harassing some poor shmuck with the antics that were inevitable when the two of them were in the same vicinity.  Misha should know, he was their favourite target after all.  He checked in with make-up to find out what time he was needed, and then headed back to his trailer to spend some quality Facetime with Vicki and the kids.  
  
Vicki was a sight for sore eyes, and Maison was really excited to see Daddy.  Even with her soother garbling her speech, Misha could see that she missed him.  He adored his little girl, and his son too of course, and it was always hard to be away from them.  A few minutes into the conversation, a familiar man popped into the screen of his laptop, making his wife laugh at the surprise on his face.  
  
“Hi Misha.”  
  
“Oh my god, Jeff!  Wow, I haven’t seen you in years!  What are you doing at my place?”  
  
“I was in Seattle for a conference.  Figured I’d give Vick a call and see how you guys were doing, meet this little one,” he said, tickling Maison in the side, making her giggle around the pacifier.  “And I can’t believe how huge Westie is!”  
  
Misha laughed. “Children get bigger; it’s this thing that happens when you feed them.  Geez, Jeff, pretty sure he was less than a year old last time we saw you in LA.”  
  
A knock on his trailer door interrupted the line of conversation momentarily as Misha yelled at whoever it was to come on in.  He smiled fondly when he realized it was Jensen, not one of the PA’s passing on a message or instructions.  
  
Jensen strolled over to where Misha was sitting on his little couch with his laptop on his knees.  
  
“I thought you were gonna find me when you got here?  What if I wanted to continue where we left off this morning? We don’t start shooting until after lunch.”  He bent down to give Misha a kiss and noticed a moving face on the laptop screen.   
  
Jensen jumped back as if he’d touched a hot flame.  “Uh, sorry, Mish.  I didn’t realize you were talking to someone.”  
  
Misha could see the flustered look on Jensen’s red face; a combination of embarrassment and the fear of being outed written clearly in his eyes.  
  
“Jensen Ackles, this is an old friend, Jeff Patterson.  We were just catching up a bit.  He popped by to visit with Vicki and the kids.”  
  
“Uh, Hey!  Nice to meet you.” Jensen mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.  It was a nervous habit he had, one that even bled into his Dean persona, and Misha recognised it for exactly what it was.  “How do you know Misha and Vicki?”  
  
Jeff seemed to cozy up a little closer to Vicki as he took his time answering Jensen’s question.  Vicki pulled away a bit, clearly uncomfortable about something.  “We’ve known each other for years; met on a retreat in Thailand, actually.  We spent a _lot_ of time together before West here was born.” he leaned over to muss up West’s hair and the boy giggled.  
  
Misha glanced over to where Jensen was staring at the laptop screen, hoping the innuendo in Jeff’s comment had gone over his head, but Misha could see in Jensen’s eyes exactly when the full extent of what Jeff was hinting at crossed his friend’s mind.  
  
Jensen quickly backed up to the door of the trailer, almost tripping over the leg of a small table in his haste to leave, but yet not willing to take his eyes off Misha’s worried face.  Misha felt like a deer in the headlights, stunned silent and unsure of what to say or do, just knowing that he had to fix this, had to come up with an answer to the questioning expression on his lover’s face that was currently boring into his soul.  
  
“Jen, wait!  Please?”  
  
Jensen chose that moment to break eye contact and turn around, heading out the door and letting the metal screen spring back with a bang, causing it to echo across the industrial looking lot.  Misha slammed the laptop shut, knowing his empathic wife would totally understand his need to go after Jensen.  He had some explaining to do to get him to understand the part of him and Vicki’s past that they hadn’t opened up about in detail with Jensen or Jared.  
  
It had clouded over again in the short time since Misha had been outside.  There was an ominous feel to the greyness that matched the hard lump in his chest as his footsteps clanged down the metal steps of his trailer. He glanced around the lot, taking in the familiar scene of the crew at work loading props, the flatbeds of equipment being readied for the location shoot later that night, the cars in the parking lot, and the PA’s and assistants milling around.  The place felt like a second home to Misha after eight years, but even that familiarity wasn’t calming his racing heart.  Right now, his biggest priority was making things right with the man that he loved.  Yes, that was it; he was in love with Jensen, and the fear of possibly losing that love so soon after realizing it was tearing him apart.  
  
His first stop was Jensen’s trailer.  It seemed like the obvious place the man would go if he wanted to be alone, but there was no sign of him and the door was locked.  Misha ran to the food tent, glancing around and only seeing a handful of people grabbing coffee at an hour too early for lunch.  Checking the make-up and wardrobe trailers proved fruitless as well.  No one had seen Jensen and Misha was becoming frantic.  As a last resort, he checked Jared’s trailer.  Maybe Jensen hadn’t wanted to be alone with his thoughts after all.  
  
Jared answered Misha’s incessant knocking and just opened the door wide to let him in.  “I’m gonna go lift for a bit at the gym.  You guys should talk.”  
  
Misha glanced over to the couch where Jensen sat, head in his hands, looking as dejected as Misha had ever seen him.  
  
Misha nodded.  “Thanks, Jar.”  
  
Jared pulled him into a side hug, enveloping him as only Jared could.  “You bet, brother.  Fix this, okay?  I don’t know what happened here, but you’re my best friends and I need you both to be happy.”  
  
Misha closed the door gently behind Jared and leaned back against it, watching the expression on Jensen’s face and waiting to see if he would speak first.  Although he got that Jensen had been blindsided by Jeff, it’s not like the other man didn’t have at least a vague idea about he and Vicki’s past.  He could see that something had gotten under Jensen’s skin, but he needed to know exactly what so he could understand and attempt to make it right.  
  
When it became clear that Jensen wasn’t going to be the one to start the conversation, Misha walked over and gently perched on the arm of the couch.  Fearful of making an unwelcome advance, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned to face the man in front of him.  “Jensen?  Talk to me.  Please?”  
  
Jensen raised his head to look at him and Misha could see the hurt in his eyes.  Not touching wasn’t an option.  Misha slid down onto the couch cushion and wrapped his arms around the man beside him, pulling him close against his chest.  To Misha’s relief, Jensen didn’t pull away.   
  
Neither man said anything.  Not willing to interrupt such an emotionally charged moment with words, Misha held the man he loved in his arms, allowing him the space he needed to settle his thoughts.  Misha knew at that moment he would hold him forever if that’s what Jensen needed.  
  
Eventually, Jensen raised his head to look him in the eye.  Misha held his breath, waiting for whatever outpouring of feelings Jensen was ready to throw at him.  Unlike his television persona, Jensen did deal with things by talking; that’s what kept him so level headed.  Jensen was the peacekeeper of their little family; the quiet one, the reflective one, the glue that bonded them all together.  
  
“Tell me about him.” Was all Jensen said.  
  
Misha let out a relieved sigh.  Jensen didn’t seem angry at least.  
  
“Okay Jen.  I can do that.”  He reached over to take Jensen’s hand in his, slotting his fingers through his friend’s, where they fit perfectly, and gently squeezed.  
  
“Vicki and I met Jeff in Thailand, like he said.  We were there on a humanitarian project and Jeff was a journalist, covering the work we were doing.  We all hit it off.  He was funny and compassionate, totally not what I was used to from journalists.  As it turned out, he’d read Vicki’s book.  He was fascinated by her ideas of sharing intimacy, and it wasn’t long before our relationship moved in that direction.”  
  
Misha saw the tension increase in Jensen’s shoulders.  He reached over with his free hand and trailed a finger softly down Jensen’s jawline.  Jensen didn’t flinch, but he didn’t lean in to the touch as he usually would either.  Misha figured he’d better keep going.  
  
“We were in Thailand for three months.  Jeff had a motel room in the nearby town, but Vick and I were just sleeping in a tent in the village we were working in.  There was a small group of us and we felt that staying close to the local people was beneficial to what we were trying to accomplish there.”  
  
Misha looked up to see if he still had Jensen’s attention.   He could see the wariness in his friend’s expression, but he seemed to be listening intently.  
  
“It started slowly, but it eventually became habit for me and Vicki to spend one night a week in town with Jeff at his motel.”  Misha sighed.  “I’m not gonna give you details, Jen.  You know what I’m getting at here.  We became a threesome.  It ended when Vicki and I came back to the States.  Jeff didn’t really have a home base, but he would stop by once in a while if he was in LA.  Things between us never became sexual again.  After Thailand, it didn’t feel right.  Last time I saw him was when West was a baby.  I was completely surprised to see him at my place today when I Facetimed Vicki, but he is still a friend and it was nice to see him.”  
  
At that point Misha lifted both of his hands to squeeze Jensen’s shoulders.  “You have nothing to worry about, baby.  It’s been over with Jeff for years.”  
  
Jensen finally spoke.  “I’m not worried, Misha.  A little jealous maybe, but that’s on me.  I know you’re not with him anymore.”  
  
Misha rubbed his fingers into Jensen’s shoulders, gently kneading his thumbs into the muscles below the man’s collarbone, hoping to relax him into explaining further.  “So, if that’s not it, what has you so upset, Jen?”  
  
Jensen let out an audible breath before continuing.  “These last few months have been so wonderful.  We’re exploring something that I’ve been feeling, both of us have been feeling, for a while and it’s going great!  The girls are happy, I’m happy, I’m pretty sure you’re happy, so I guess I’ve just been waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know?”  
  
No, I don’t get it.” Misha replied honestly.  “Why does something have to go wrong?”  
  
Jensen raised his voice a little, telling Misha that this was it, this was the sticking point.  “You and Vicki have done this before, and it always ends.  So I suppose I’m just waiting for whatever inevitability causes that.  I have to wonder if Danni and I aren’t just the current experiment in you and Vicki’s crazy world of free love!”  
  
“Oh, Jensen.”  Misha moved quickly into his lover’s space, pulling him back into his arms.  “I wish you only knew how different this is to anything Vicki and I have ever done before.  We’ve experimented sexually with others, yes, but it’s never been anything but exactly that.  This is a first for both of us; the first time either of us has been in an actual relationship with someone else.  This is the first time we’ve not shared sex with one person between us; our first individual partners.  This is the first time either of us has ever been in love with anyone other than each other!”  
  
Misha could feel his voice cracking as he tried so hard to get the intensity of what he was feeling to wash over the man sitting beside him.  “Please, Jensen.  You have to believe that this is so much more.  I need you.  I can’t lose you.  I love you!”  
  
Jensen had been unable to stop the tears from spilling as Misha had poured his heart out, and now Misha was looking at him, waiting for a response, anything to show that Jensen understood just how important this was.  When Jensen finally gathered his emotions together enough to answer, it was just four simple little words, but they were exactly the words that Misha needed to hear.  “I love you too.”  
  
The insistent knocking on Jared’s trailer door had them both jumping back in surprise, Jensen wiping his damp cheeks with the back of his hand.  
  
Jared opened the door slowly, peeking around the screen, unsure of what he would find inside.  “Hey, the makeup girls are looking for Jensen.  Are ya’ll alright?”  
  
Misha answered, while Jensen took a second to compose himself a little more.  “Yeah, we’re good.  Right, Jen?”  
  
Jensen looked up with a shy smile.  “Yeah we are.  Let’s get this done.  The show must go on, yada yada.”  
  
Misha glanced over at Jared and grinned.  It was all going to be fine.  
  
At midnight, after several hours of shooting the same scene over and over on an uncooperative, muddy river bank, Misha felt his phone buzz in his pocket.  He pulled it out of Cas’ damp trench coat pocket to see a text from Jensen, who was standing only ten feet away with a knowing little smirk on his face.  
  
**12:03am from Jensen:**   Wanna come over after we wrap tonight?  
  
He didn’t bother answering, just nodded in Jensen’s direction, watching the little smirk turn into a happy grin as he tucked his phone back into his pocket and took his mark again for another take.  
  
It was just after two when Misha finally climbed into his car to head to Jensen’s apartment not far away.  The other man had caught a ride with Jared and Clif about thirty minutes prior, so he knew he would be waiting for him already.  Misha was impatient with the need to pull his lover into his arms and put this entire day behind them.  As exhausted as he was, he wasn’t going to waste a minute before getting Jensen gloriously naked and mapping every single stray freckle with his talented tongue.  The thought of Jensen writhing in pleasure beneath him had him already sporting a chubby as he stepped out of the elevator at Jensen’s floor.  
  
As he got closer to the apartment door he could hear the haunting melody of guitar chords and the accompaniment of his lover’s incredibly sexy voice.  He couldn’t make out the words until he pushed open the metal door and looked over to see Jensen on the couch, singing softly in his southern twang:  
  
_I have never let anything have this much control over me_  
_I work too hard to call my life my own_  
_And I've made myself a world and it's worked so perfectly_  
_But it's your world now I can't refuse_  
_I've never had so much to lose_  
_Oh I'm shameless_  
  
_You know it should be easy for a man who's strong_  
_To say he's sorry or admit when he's wrong_  
_I've never lost anything I've ever missed_  
_But I've never been in love like this_  
  
Misha practically tripped over his own feet to get to the couch as Jensen quickly placed the guitar down on the floor out of the way.  
  
“I’m sorry for today, Misha.”  
  
“Oh god, Jensen.  You so don’t have anything to be sorry for.  Your fears were completely valid and I’m so sorry that I never noticed something was bothering you.  We should’ve talked about my past before now.”  
  
Jensen reached up to tangle his fingers in his lover’s soft hair and pulled Misha in for a chaste kiss before whispering in his ear.  “I love you, Mish.  Let’s go to bed so I can show you just how much.”  
  
Misha felt a shiver of need wrack his body as he leaned in to Jensen’s touch and whispered in reply. “Only if you sing me that whole song in the morning….naked.”  
  
Jensen threw his head back at that and laughed.  He grabbed his t-shirt at the hem and pulled it over his head in one swift movement, tossing it over his guitar.  He looked at Misha with desire heating his gaze and jumped up off the couch heading straight towards the bedroom, unzipping his jeans as he walked.  “Let’s see what you can do to convince me,” he drawled with a wicked grin.  
  
Misha didn’t waste any time unbuttoning his shirt and adding it to the pile.  He grabbed Jensen around the waist before his lover could get away and rocked his hips against his backside, showing Jensen just how ready he was to do just that.  “You’re on, my love.  You’re on.”

~~~

**Author's Note:**

> Shameless - Originally written and recorded by Billy Joel and then famously covered by Garth Brooks (my Cockles inspiration a a song Jensen NEEDS to sing!)
> 
> Well I'm shameless when it comes to loving you  
> I'll do anything you want me to  
> I'll do anything at all
> 
> And I'm standing here for all the world to see  
> Oh baby that's what's left of me  
> Don't have very far to fall
> 
> You know now I'm not a man who's ever been  
> Insecure about the world I've been livin' in  
> I don't break easy I have my pride  
> But if you need to be satisfied
> 
> I'm shameless, oh honey I don't have a prayer  
> Every time I see you standin' there  
> I go down upon my knees
> 
> And I'm changin' swore I'd never compromise  
> Oh but you convinced me otherwise  
> I'll do anything you please
> 
> You see in all my life I've never found  
> What I couldn't resist what I couldn't turn down  
> I could walk away from anyone I ever knew  
> But I can't walk away from you
> 
> I have never let anything have this much control over me  
> I work too hard to call my life my own  
> And I've made myself a world and it's worked so perfectly  
> But it's your world now I can't refuse  
> I've never had so much to lose  
> Oh I'm shameless
> 
> You know it should be easy for a man who's strong  
> To say he's sorry or admit when he's wrong  
> I've never lost anything I've ever missed  
> But I've never been in love like this
> 
> It's out of my hands  
> I'm shameless, I don't have the power now  
> I don't want it anyhow  
> So I got to let it go
> 
> Oh I'm shameless, shameless as a man can be  
> You make a total fool of me  
> I just wanted to you to know
> 
> Oh I'm shameless  
> I just wanted you to know  
> Oh I'm shameless  
> Oh I'm down on my knees...shameless
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read and commented on my first Cockles fic. Your encouragement is the reason this became more than a one-shot. I love these boys so much.


End file.
